My Weight Story
I feel like in this world we all have some kind of weight story. We all have some kind of history that involves either a need to lose weight, gain weight, or struggle with our vision of our weight. This is my story.
When I was a little girl, I was the type of kid you had to remind to eat. I was way more involved in having fun and playing and food was never a top priority for me. It wasn’t until my parents separated that it all changed. I can honestly say I don’t remember this shift, I was far to young, but it is a problem that I recognize now more than ever. I became an emotional eater. Now when I say emotional eater, I don’t mean that when times I tough I inhale food. I mean it as in I eat when I am sad, angry, frustrated, and even happy. Food is a comfort for everything in my life.
Because of this, by the time I started second grade I was already gaining weight at a rapid rate. I got the taste of fast food, TV dinners, and candy and was sold on that being my only source of food. I started to look and feel different from all of my friends and I took mental note of that.
Now I know many people who would blame their parents at this point, but I have come to learn that they simply did not know how bad that food was for you. I grew up when these options were everyone’s first choice because of convenience. We didn’t have the information we have now showing had bad they were.
This type of eating habit continued into my teen years. I would eat crap school lunches, come home and eat frozen chicken nuggets and french fries, or grab fast food on my way home. I was over weight and very unhealthy. The only reason I never reached obesity was because I walked home from school and spent my free time long-boarding or skate-boarding. Even with that I was still very obviously over weight and I often felt like crap.
Around the time I was 16 years old alcohol was added to my diet. I spent most weekends drinking with friends and eating more fast food. I drank a lot of beer and hard liquor and started to gain even more weight. My entire lifestyle was unhealthy. I had no positive feelings towards myself, my mental health was extremely low, and I always felt very lonely. I blamed my weight as the reason why I never had boys like me and why my depression was so bad.
Shortly after turning 17 years old I moved to Nevada to live with my father. I was suffering from depression, in a new environment, and trying to figure out who I was. I stopped long-boarding everywhere after a nasty accident, and my father was happy to take me anywhere I needed to go. I no longer had a P.E. class and my junk food intake shot up. I was by far the most unhealthy I had ever been.
In this time I went from about 170-180 to 249 pounds by the time I was 19. I remember when I was out looking for prom dresses I went to 16 different stores and it wasn’t until the last store that I found a dress that even fit. I remember crying in each dressing room and hating everything about myself. This was a common feeling when I tried on any clothes. I never felt like myself and I absolutely hated the way that I look. Even with all that, I can honestly stay I never noticed exactly how much I had gained. It wasn’t until I was almost 20 that I stepped on a scale and saw 249 pounds. In that moment I refused to gain another pound.
The Major Change
The moment I knew I needed to change, I did. I started to watch what I ate and I started going back to the gym. Naturally there were many set backs and nights of crying. It was by far one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I looked up every possible way to lose weight and went at it has hard as I could. I meal preps, workout planned, and motivated myself in every possible way that I could. Within less than a year I had lost 60 pounds.
I make it sounds kind of easy, but it was really horrible. I remember nights where I had ice cream and felt absolutely horrible about it later. Even though I was losing weight I didn’t lose the mentality that I had. I was still as big as when I started in my own eyes. The number of the scale felt like it never changed even when it did. I can honestly stay I have no idea how any of it worked. I think I just pushed myself so hard that the weight was like Seeyah!
Where I Am Now
Since my big weight loss I have fluctuated maybe 10 or so pounds. I am so happy to say I have kept it off in the last year even with a major back surgery and a completely mental change. In July of 2016 I stopped eating any animal meat and felt insanely healthier as a result of that. I lose 20 pounds almost immediately and though I have gained some of it back I am happy that it showed me I made a good decision.
I am now working on getting my body back. After my spinal fusion I felt very disconnected from my body. I honestly still do. I am not able to push myself at the gym anymore, my muscles are almost gone, and my ability to avoid sweets is nonexistent. I have decided that this time around I will learn to understand my body. I feel like even though I have made these huge efforts to better my health I never took the time to understand it.
I know I still have weight to lose, but this time I feel like I have the information to make it the last time. I have taken the time to educate myself of a healthy diet, well lifestyle is a better word. I am working towards eating a plant-based diet and learning yoga. I am going to have to give up the idea of weight lifting until my spine believes I am ready. At the moment my muscles need time to stretch back out and get comfortable in a new position.
And So It Is
So that is my story. I have gone through huge ups and downs in my weight and allowed it to dictate my life. This is the first time in years that I have felt I can take the time to learn about me. And this was honestly forced on me by accidentally hurting my back and leg a week ago. It really reminded me how poorly my body has been treated since surgery. I have not been taking care of myself like I promised I would. So now is the time.
What is your story? I would love to hear it.