This year has been more than I ever thought it would be. It had some serious downs, some amazing ups, lessons I will never forget, and memories I will hold onto for a life time. To be honest when I started this year I didn’t expect much. I had plans and was excited as always to get a fresh start but realistically I am every year and it usually ended up just the same. We can have all these hopes and dreams about a new year but if we are never willing to make the changes or take the chances then nothing will happen.
Well this year I did something different. I decided to take the risks that I honestly never would have and see what would happen. I am the type of person to listen to signs. If something starts to go wrong right before a trip I am likely to not go because I feel like it is the universe telling me that is the wrong decision. Turns out the universe wasn’t doing anything like that, and instead it was my asshole of a mind trying to keep me from ever changing my life.
“The Big Snooze (Ego) will do everything it can to stop you from changing and growing, especially since you are attempting to obliterate the very identity that you and everyone else has come to know as ‘you’.” –Quote from You are a Badass by Jen Sincero
This quote hit me like a ton of bricks when I read it. It made so much sense to me at the time. I had just gotten back from spending the summer in Oregon. On my way up there I noticed all of these signs to turn around. My car started to act funny and I needed to get it into a shop. I had just bought it and could not for the life of me understand why it would have a problem. Clearly it was a sign. My dog was breathing weird the whole first day of driving. And I hit three major accidents on my second day. Everything seemed to tell me it was wrong. But by complete force, I made myself keep going.
I have no idea what had gotten into me. Maybe it was the fact that I was already well over 10 hours into the drive. Or that I would have felt terrible for getting my mom’s hopes up. Or maybe it was the great conversation I had with a friend that motivated me to just keep going. Maybe it was all if it. All I know is that I did it, and it was the best decision I have ever made. I sped into Oregon with doubts and worries and a pretty deep hate for myself, and walked out happier and more enlightened that I ever thought.
I still have my anxiety and moments where I lose it. But I wish you could have seen how I was before. I have this drive in me now. This passion to learn all about things I never cared about. I have so much energy to learn about who I am as a person and what I can do every day to make this body healthy and happy. I pulled myself out of comfort zones that I created for a reason. I mean shit, I went on a date with a guy that I met online and it went so well we are still dating almost four months later. If that does not sound like a big deal you should know I was single for about six years before that. With zero flings even happening for me.
That is not really the point of all of this. What I am getting at is that this year was not different just because it was a new year or a magic number. No. I forced it to be a damn good year. I accepted that I would be okay with being hurt and upset as long as it meant I felt something amazing before and took a lesson along with me. I realized that nothing can get done from the comfort of my bubble and my daily avoid people attitude. I had to get up every single day knowing I was going to do something different. I knew I was going to learn something new or do something different. I knew that this year was going to be different than all the rest. And god dammit it was. And you know what? 2017 will be the same. I finally figured out my secret and my problem and never again will it control me.
Sometimes it takes a risk to see what has been staring you in the face this whole time. Sometimes it take accepting that pain comes with happiness. And sometimes it is only you who can make the change. You want 2017 to be your year? Force it. Pull yourself out of bed an hour early and hit the gym. Watch that documentary that exposes the truth about food to you. Get on those dating apps and go on dates. Do anything and everything you want. There is no restriction. The only person or thing holding you back is you! So sit yourself down and have a chat. Your comfort zone will only keep you safe, it will not keep you happy.
Happy New Year Everyone. I hope this is your year. Force it to be.